Falling for Potential

Lately, I've been asking myself a difficult question: Do I get attached to who someone is… or to who I hope they could become? And if I'm honest, I think I often fall in love with potential. Not the person standing in front of me today, but the version of them I believe exists underneath. The version that might communicate better one day. The version that might become emotionally available. The version that might choose me more consistently. The version that might finally meet me where I am. I tell myself, "Maybe they're just going through a hard phase." "Maybe once things settle, they'll show up differently." "Maybe with enough time, they'll become the person I know they can be." And while hope isn't a bad thing, I've started wondering: At what point does hope stop being hope and start becoming avoidance? Because while I'm imagining who they could become, I'm also overlooking who they're choosing to be right now. I've realized that potential doesn't build a relationship. Patterns do. Consistency does. Actions do. The future version of someone cannot comfort the present version of me. That doesn't mean people can't grow. Of course they can. We all do. But growth has to be something they're already choosing—not something I'm carrying the emotional burden of waiting for. Maybe love isn't about seeing the best in people at all costs. Maybe it's also about having the courage to ask: If nothing about this person changed from today onward, would I still feel safe, respected, and fulfilled in this relationship? Because loving someone's potential should never come at the cost of ignoring their reality. Maybe the healthiest relationships aren't built on waiting for change. They're built on accepting the truth of what's already being shown.